Ambivalence
by Stopless
Summary: Truly hating someone requires a great deal of devotion. Truly loving someone requires a great deal of devotion as well. Sasuke knows this, and he knows that Itachi knows.


Summary: Truly hating someone requires a great deal of devotion. Truly loving someone requires a great deal of devotion as well. Sasuke knows this, and he knows that Itachi knows.

Originally written 2 years ago, and published now. Reviews are always lovely and well-appreciated :]

* * *

Sasuke is eight. Itachi is thirteen

Sasuke loves Itachi. Itachi loves Sasuke.

They are almost inseparable brothers of the Uchiha clan and perhaps all of Konoha. The older one picks up the younger one from the Ninja Academy while the younger brightens the older one's day with just a smile.

On the weekends when there are no classes to go to, both Sasuke and Itachi go outside of their home and sit on the steps.

The two brothers find these moments very precious. They sit on the first step closest to the house, because they donn't want anything to change between them. They love each other very much.

They are almost inseparable brothers.

Almost.

xxx

Sasuke is nine. Itachi is fourteen.

Sasuke hates Itachi. Itachi hates Sasuke.

Their father, who is also one of the Uchiha Clan councilors, seems to only obsess over Itachi. Itachi is the pride of the clan, after all. Sasuke hates this, but he also knows that Itachi hates it, too.

However, the younger brother doesn't say anything. The clan, their father had put it, must be the top priority. Forget about such self-defeating bonds.

Sasuke hates Itachi for this. Itachi hates that he doesn't have anymore time for Sasuke.

And as the clan becomes more of a priority, Itachi's hating slowly turns into hating Sasuke, because his little brother made him feel very guilty.

Sasuke and Itachi grow further and further apart.

In attempt to revive their bond, Sasuke pesters Itachi by asking him about training techniques.

The older brother smiles and asks the younger brother to come forward.

A poke on the forehead.

_Maybe next time._

Xxx

Sasuke is ten. Itachi is fifteen.

Sasuke loves Itachi. Itachi loves Sasukes.

While attending the ninja academy, the younger Uchiha brother made a few friends. One of them is a boy named Naruto, who says that he would beat Sasuke any day.

To prove that Naruto is wrong, Sasuke invites him over to his house.

_Nii-san will teach him a lesson._

But it isn't only Naruto who visists, a shy girl with soft pink hair comes along with Naruto, too. Sasuke doesn't mind that. His older brother would show them _both_ what a real ninja is.

Sasuke watches the kunai hit its target from behind the huge rock that's in middle of his big brother's training ground. His nii-san is no doubt the best. Apparently, Naruto and Sakura think so as well. Once Itachi bows his head to signal that his training was over, the two rush out to him with fascinated smiles.

"I, the future Hokage, is impressed with you, Itachi!" shouts Naruto. He grins with excitement. "Ne, what do you think, Sakura-chan?"

"Ita…Itachi-san is amazing," the pink-haired girl quietly says.

Itachi examines the pink-haired girl. She still needs to build up a lot of confidence. Itachi knows that it is difficult for her at a young age, but he also knows that she needs his help.

"Sakura-san, please follow me," the Uchiha says gently.

The pink-haired girl follows Itachi into a secluded corner of the training ground. Sasuke and Naruto remain behind and argue about who was considered a 'real ninja.'

Turning to face the pink-haired girl, Itachi asks, "Sakura-san, is anything the matter?" .

The pink-haired girl gazes downwards, making her bangs cover her eyes. "N-Nothing," she whispers.

"Sakura," Itachi says, brushing her hair away from her forehead. "What is the matter?"

"…My forehead…is too big," Sakura replies. She looks like she is about to burst into tears.

Suddenly, Itachi gives her a light poke on the forehead. "I think your forehead's fine, Sakura-san."

Sakura glances up and gives Itachi a small smile.

From the clearing, Sasuke watches as his older brother poke Sakura on the forehead. Unwanted feelings of jealousy suddenly coarse through him. The poke on the forehead is _their _thing! Not Itachi and Sakura's!

Sasuke watches as the two slowly come back to meet him and Naruto. When Itachi reaches them, Sasuke suddenly tackles his older brother down.

"Nii-san," Sasuke says.

Itachi only chuckles.

xxx

Sasuke is eleven. Itachi is sixteen.

Sasuke hates Itachi. Itachi hates Sasuke.

Both brothers have never forgotten the look on each other's face on the night of the Uchiha clan massacre. Sasuke remembers the look of hate his older brother had given him and the slaughter of their parents.

He hates Itachi for that.

Itachi remembers the look of sadness on his little brother's face. It still hurts him to see Sasuke like that, but Itachi knows that it had been necessary. He had to complete his mission to protect the village for peace no matter what. He had to do it even if he hates how Sasuke looked so hurt.

When Itachi got recruited into the Akatsuki, an organization composed of missing-nin, he had been assigned with a partner. He he found out very early on that Kisame liked to talk. Once, the shark-nin had asked him about his previous life. Kisame had been given a glare as a reply.

Itachi hates it when Kisame gets too talkative but likes it how he never asks him about his previous life again. Itachi also tries to hate Sasuke more so that he could focus on his missions in the Akatsuki.

It was very hard to hate Sasuke.

xxx

Sasuke is twelve. Itachi is seventeen.

Sasuke loves Itachi. Itachi loves Sasuke.

The two Uchiha brother meet for the first time after the massacre. It is inside an inn, where Itachi and Kisame are about to take Naruto for the Akatsuki. Before Naruto could come one more step closer to Kisame, Itachi's little brother arrives behind them.

"So we meet again, Sasuke."

"Itachi Uchiha."

"Hm? He looks familiar to you, Itachi-san."

"He is my little brother."

_And I love him._

But even though Itachi loves Sasuke, he needs his little brother to become stronger. And Sasuke could only become stronger if he had more hate.

_Boom!_

The elder Uchiha pins his little brother against the wall. Leaning down, he whispers so softly so that only Sasuke could hear him.

"You don't have enough hate, Sasuke. And you know something? You never will."

Itachi says this because he loves Sasuke and Sasuke listens to those words because he loves Itachi even if he does not know it.

xxx

Sasuke is thirteen. Itachi is eighteen.

Sasuke hates Itachi. Itachi hates Sasuke.

"I can give you happiness. I'll do anything for you, Sasuke…I'm begging you…don't walk away!" Sakura confesses.

It is night and the moon is round and full just like _that_ night.

Sasuke looks at his pink-haired team-mate and he is confused. She says that she could give him happiness. She says that she'll do anything for him. She is begging him to stay and not run away.

But she is not Itachi.

Because only Itachi can give him happiness. Itachi had made him train so that he could kill him one day. Itachi had even killed everyone in the Uchiha clan for him. And Itachi had told him to run away.

_Run away._

Without looking back, Sasuke leaves the Leaf village that night.

Sasuke secretly thinks about what he had left behind. He had left Naruto and Sakura, who were his friends.

He hates Itachi because Itachi had made him leave Konoha.

Elsewhere, Itachi hates Sasuke.

He hates Sasuke for following his words of _run away. _If only his foolish little brother had not listened. But Itachi knows that Sasuke would always listen.

xxx

Sasuke is fourteen. Itachi is nineteen.

Sasuke loves Itachi. Itachi loves Sasuke.

Training under Orochimaru isn't at all what Sasuke expects. The training sessions are difficult and rare. Orochimaru is usually in his bed with Kabuto at his side. However, when the sannin does get out to train Sasuke, the younger Uchiha does his best to make the most of it. Sasuke is becoming stronger everyday.

What bothers Sasuke most is the fact that his room at Orochimaru's hideout is like a jail cell. Mice run across on the floor and are very noisy. The noisy mice reminds him of Naruto sometimes and Sasuke secretly loves that. It was strange but he finds it soothing. Sometimes, he also think about Itachi at night. Sasuke remembers how Itachi had used to poke him on the forehead.

"_Brother, why do you always treat me like a pest?"_

"_I'm sorry Sasuke…Maybe next time."_

"_You always do this…"_

It is true that Itachi had always loved to poke Sasuke on the forehead, and it is equally true that Sasuke had always secretly loved it as well.

xxx

Sasuke is fifteen. Itachi is twenty.

Sasuke hates Itachi. Itachi hates Sasuke.

The younger Uchiha continues to train his hardest so that he could reach his goal.

He draws a rough picture of his older brother on a piece of paper and attaches it onto his targets.

Sometimes, Sasuke thinks about Naruto and his bond with him. He remembers the fact that Naruto hates the feeling of being all alone. Maybe that is why Naruto is still chasing after him.

_Usuratonkachi._

He also remembers that he had left Sakura, with all her love, all alone.

Sasuke hates all of this, but he hates Itachi more.

Itachi trains as well. Itachi hates this because he doesn't want to hurt his little brother. He also hates it that his little brother wants this.

Kisame glances at Itachi after their training session, and Itachi knows that his partner wants to ask him a question.

_Why are you training so hard without rest, Itachi-san?_

Itachi sighs a little and sits under the shade of a tree. His partner joins him to rest and then they talk.

"You should rest for a bit, Itachi-san."

"Aa."

xxx

Sasuke is sixteen. Itachi is twenty one.

Sasuke loves Itachi. Itachi loves Sasuke.

With a last poke on the forehead from his older brother, Sasuke knows that Itachi loves him.

Itachi also knows that Sasuke loves him because of the small flicker of emotion playing on his little brother's eyes.

"Sorry, Sasuke…there won't be another time."

There won't be another time for Sasuke to hate Itachi and Itachi to hate Sasuke.

There is only this final time, and there is only love.

* * *

The end.


End file.
